


Kid Gorgeous

by Ricecakes123



Series: ScarletWolf [4]
Category: John Mulaney - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Wanda Maximoff - Fandom
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, LGBTQ Female Character, john mulaney - Freeform, netflix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ricecakes123/pseuds/Ricecakes123
Summary: Wanda and Claire watch John Mulaney's Netflix comedy special which turns into a serious conversation about their relationship.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Original Female Character(s)
Series: ScarletWolf [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1488680
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Kid Gorgeous

The afternoon was quiet. Both Claire and Wanda had the day off from work, which was an uncommon occurrence. Claire sat on the couch reading a book—turns out Wanda rubbed off on her and she just needed to find a good book—while Wanda was in the bathroom, taking a shower. Light music played from her phone in the bathroom and drifted into the living room where Claire was sitting. She bobbed her head slightly to the music and kicked her raised foot, becoming distracted from the words on the page.

A little squeal came from the bathroom followed by light running footsteps down the hall. Claire picked her head up just in time to see a flash of brownish red hair and a white towel crash into her on the couch. Claire chuckled and dropped her book and wrapped her arms around Wanda’s waist. Her still wet hair dripped a little onto Claire’s face and clothes, but she didn’t hair. She nuzzled her nose into a spot on her head, inhaling the scent of her freshly washed hair and sighed. Wanda pulled away, smiling, and planted a kiss on Claire’s lips before staring into her purple eyes that started to turn a shade darker than normal.

“What’s all this for?” Claire asked chuckling at Wanda’s newfound giddiness. “And could it not wait until you got dressed?”

“I thought you liked this,” Wanda muttered as she crawled off her a bit, smirking and biting her lower lip. Claire’s eyes darkened a bit more and a low growl snuck out from her lips. She leaned up and pulled Wanda close to her, her lips instantly going to her neck to plant delicate kisses against the soft skin.

“Damn you, woman, you drive me crazy.” Claire paused and pulled away and looked Wanda in the eyes, her own returning to their normal color. “But what’s up?”

Wanda fixed her towel and held up her phone, showing Claire a notification from her Netflix app: _Suggestion for you: John Mulaney’s Kid Gorgeous at Radio City_. Claire stared at the screen for a few minutes, not really grasping what it was that she was reading, but when it did hit her, her eyes widened and a huge smile grew across her lips.

“Holy shit are you serious?!” she yelled and Wanda laughed and nodded her head violently.

“Yes! I saw it when I got out of the shower! Apparently it came out months ago? Don’t know how we’re both just finding out about this now, but…” Wanda shrugged and took her phone back.

“We gotta watch it,” Claire said full of excitement. Wanda nodded and hopped off the couch and ran to the bedroom. In a few minutes, she came back out, fully clothed and carrying Claire’s laptop. Claire sat up on the couch and opened her arms for Wanda who sat down and leaned into her embrace. She placed the laptop on her lap and opened it, opening Netflix. She scrolled until she found the new special.

The video started to play, opening with creepy organ music and a mysterious old woman leading the now older John Mulaney through the back parts of the theater and onto the mainstage where the music grew louder and creepier.

The audience applauded loudly when he stepped on stage and he waved at them and thanked them for coming. He got right into the skits, the audience and Wanda and Claire laughing along.

_“My dad is a lawyer and he was a debate team champion. So he would pick us apart psychologically. One time I was at the dinner table when I was like six, because I had to be. My dad goes, ‘How was school today?’ I said, ‘It was good but someone pushed Tyler off the seesaw.’ ‘And where were you?’ ‘I was over on the bench.’ ‘And what did you do?’ ‘Nothing. I was over on the bench.’ ‘But you saw what happened?’ ‘Yeah, ‘cause I was over on the bench.’ ‘Let me ask you this. In Nazi Germany when people saw what the Nazis were doing and did nothing, were those good people?’ ‘No, those are bad people. You gotta stop the Nazis.’ ‘But you saw what they were doing to Tyler and you did nothing!’ ‘Because I was over on the bench!’ And then my dad said, ‘Just explain to me this. How are you better than a Nazi.’ And then my mom said, ‘I made a salad with Craisins!’ And the conversation ended.” _

Claire and Wanda laughed along with the audience. Claire tightened her grip on Wanda’s waist and kissed her cheek. She knew that family (not necessarily her own) was a touchy subject for Wanda that often left her feeling depressed and sent her spiraling down a dark, anxious, and depressing path that could only be described as self-destructive. As soon as John Mulaney mentioned his father, Claire immediately felt a sense of worry, afraid that she triggered something that she spent so long trying to avoid, but to her surprise, Wanda just laughed and her face was free of all the dark things that crept up on her when she spiraled.

Wanda looked over at her and smiled and pressed her lips to hers in a loving kiss. She knew that Claire worried about her and her mental health despite having her own issues that she needed to worry about and sort out, and Wanda loved that about her; loved that despite everything, Claire would _always _put her first.

“Everything okay?” Wanda asked in a low voice. Claire blinked and grinned a little.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

○○○

_“I never really cared about politics. Never talked about ‘em much. But then, last November, the strangest thing happened. Now, I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone everywhere is super-mad about everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic, even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky. Here’s how I try to look at it, and this is just me, this guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital. I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before, and no one knows what the horse is going to do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before, he’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts.” _

The audience in the video and the two women on the couch laughed at the skit.

_“They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, ‘We’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport.’ Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital.” _The comedian took a pause and grabbed a bottle of water that sat on the edge of the stage and took a sip. _“When a horse is loose in a hospital, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, ‘What’d the horse do?’ The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, ‘The horse used the elevator?’ I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all.”_

The two women laughed as he imitated clopping hooves and looked around the stage in a panic.

_“Those are those quiet days when people are like, ‘It looks like the horse has finally calmed down.’ And then ten seconds later the horse is like, ‘I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ‘em with my hooves. I’ve got nice hooves and a long tail, I’m a horse!’ That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse. And then, you go to brunch with people and they’re like, ‘There shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital.’ And it’s like, ‘We’re well past that.’ Then other people are like, ‘If there’s gonna be a horse in the hospital, I’m going to say the N-word on TV.’ And those don’t match up at all.”_

“Hey, I’m getting hungry. I’m gonna start making dinner,” Wanda said getting up from the couch and moving to the kitchen. Claire paused the video and carried the laptop with her, following Wanda into the kitchen. She sat at the island and turned the computer so that they both—specifically Wanda—could see. Wanda continued to watch as she moved around the kitchen. Claire un-paused the video.

_“And now there’s Nazis again. When I was a kid Nazis was just an analogy you would use to decimate your child during an argument at the dinner table. Now there’s new Nazis. I don’t care for these new Nazis and you may quote me on that.”_

“Ha! That’s so Steve,” Wanda said as she took a carton of eggs out of the fridge. Claire laughed and agreed.

_“These new Nazis, ‘Jews are the worst, Jews ruin everything, and Jews try to take over your life.’ It’s like, ‘You know what, motherfucker? My wife is Jewish. I know all that, how do you know all that?’ I’m allowed to make fun of my wife. I asked her and she said yes.”_

“Wanda?”

“Hmm…” Wanda didn’t move from the stove, but tilted her head up a bit, indicating that she was listening.

“If I were a comedian, would you let me make fun of you?”

Claire gazed at Wanda’s back, watching her stand a bit straighter. She pushed her shoulders back and Claire could see her muscles ripple under her shirt as she moved, the loose fabric billowing slightly with each movement. Claire smiled as she heard Wanda hum as she genuinely thought about her answer.

Finally, Wanda turned and bit her lip, looking right at Claire. She walked over to the island and leaned against the marble countertop across from Claire. She leaned forward a little more and pecked her lips. She inhaled deeply, still in thought, and rolled her eyes upwards, glancing at the ceiling.

“Yeah. Yeah, you can make fun of me, but only on one condition.”

“And what’s that?” Claire asked smirking.

“Just…don’t—don’t say anything like the shit I’ve heard on the news.” Wanda suddenly became serious. “Don’t make me look like a fool.”

Claire got up from her chair and walked over to where Wanda was standing and pulled the shorter woman into her, letting her rest her head on her chest.

“First of all, I feel like the bar is set really low, and I think you should be a little lucky that I’m not a comedian. Second of all, I would never _ever _make fun of you. You know why? Because I love you. Those _shitheads_—they don’t know you. They don’t know who you are and they don’t care. They’re bullies, and frankly their opinion of you doesn’t _fucking matter_.” Claire paused, taking a couple deep breaths, settling herself down. Her hold on Wanda tightened and she bent her head down, digging her nose into Wanda’s hair and inhaling her scent. Wanda always helped to calm her down. “The point is, they’ll always be the same. No matter what you do, no matter how many people you save or how many good deeds you do, those shitheads on the news will always find something to pick at. They will always shit on you, but the important thing is to stay you. Don’t turn into the monster that they already think you are; don’t prove them right.”

“I love you,” Wanda murmured into Claire’s shirt, a small tear rolling down her cheek.

“I love you too.”


End file.
